It has been some time since I noted my feelings and thoughts in this blog. Since then, Christmas and New Year's Day has come and gone. Visits from family and taking some family on vacation with us was a grand test of my ability to cope with everything.
For three weeks now, still snowbirding, we (hubby, kitty and me) have been alone and settling in. But the journey to get to this new comfort did not come easy.
I had commented early on that I would consult my doctor if things got out of hand. At the very end of December I began a new drug and completely eliminated the Paxil. I knew that it would take a couple of weeks for the new drug to kick in and the roller coaster ride was no fun.
I did learn that no pill can make me more comfortable in some situations. No burn cream can be effective if you continue to expose your hand to the flame. That's me and that is what I have to learn. Behavior modification in dealing with my relatives is a terrible journey for me. I am so unsure of how to behave and how to excuse myself from the infrequent, yet obvious visits. No, I can't behave myself for 10 days in an uncomfortable situation. I am not saying the other people are wrong....I am saying I find it difficult to modify my behavior and wish that I could avoid the danger zone.
One thing I like about me is me....I love to be easy going, smart when I need to be and silly for no good reason. No pill should have to change that and no one should have to bend to me. That's just it! And I shouldn't have to bend to them! A one-night visit might be tolerable, but beyond that with people who challenge my well-being is difficult. Other arrangements must be found. I am on my side and I am sticking with it! PS...the same is true for social events I would rather not attend!
This is my last entry. I hope that you find a peaceful and easy way to deal with your anxieties and depression. See a doctor and remember there in no MAGIC pill. Don't expect that. I have learned that I should love myself enough not to be compromised emotionally. Wish me luck for the learning journey ahead of me.
