It has been some time since I noted my feelings and thoughts in this blog. Since then, Christmas and New Year's Day has come and gone. Visits from family and taking some family on vacation with us was a grand test of my ability to cope with everything.
For three weeks now, still snowbirding, we (hubby, kitty and me) have been alone and settling in. But the journey to get to this new comfort did not come easy.
I had commented early on that I would consult my doctor if things got out of hand. At the very end of December I began a new drug and completely eliminated the Paxil. I knew that it would take a couple of weeks for the new drug to kick in and the roller coaster ride was no fun.
I did learn that no pill can make me more comfortable in some situations. No burn cream can be effective if you continue to expose your hand to the flame. That's me and that is what I have to learn. Behavior modification in dealing with my relatives is a terrible journey for me. I am so unsure of how to behave and how to excuse myself from the infrequent, yet obvious visits. No, I can't behave myself for 10 days in an uncomfortable situation. I am not saying the other people are wrong....I am saying I find it difficult to modify my behavior and wish that I could avoid the danger zone.
One thing I like about me is me....I love to be easy going, smart when I need to be and silly for no good reason. No pill should have to change that and no one should have to bend to me. That's just it! And I shouldn't have to bend to them! A one-night visit might be tolerable, but beyond that with people who challenge my well-being is difficult. Other arrangements must be found. I am on my side and I am sticking with it! PS...the same is true for social events I would rather not attend!
This is my last entry. I hope that you find a peaceful and easy way to deal with your anxieties and depression. See a doctor and remember there in no MAGIC pill. Don't expect that. I have learned that I should love myself enough not to be compromised emotionally. Wish me luck for the learning journey ahead of me.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
2 months and counting
December 11, 2012
Feeling great and the world is OK. Looking forward to the holidays with no anxiety.
Feeling great and the world is OK. Looking forward to the holidays with no anxiety.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
December 2, 2012
I am doing well even with the massage therapy on my neck and the EEG and MRI ordered to find out more about my headaches.
Still taking only 10mg of paroxetine and suffer moments of anxiety on a limited basis. Emotional upset and some activities before bed and eating chocolate after 5 pm are two noticable things that make me restless. I might fall asleep for a few hours...then I am wide awake.
I am adjusting to the new awake me...it seems that when I get my walking in (1-2 miles) over the course of the day, I am more alert. But when I get tired, I crash and that might be as early as 8 pm.
Weaning off the Paxil has been an eye-opening experience. I am much more aware of trying to watch my moods and working on the funky ones immediately. There is no quick fix for behavior modification...it is practise and more practise. I do not want to rely on a pill to make me behave differently.
If I can't handle the next weaning stage, I will ask the doctor for more help with the drug he has talked about. I will not play the martyr for the rest of my life. I want to be reasonable happy!
Still taking only 10mg of paroxetine and suffer moments of anxiety on a limited basis. Emotional upset and some activities before bed and eating chocolate after 5 pm are two noticable things that make me restless. I might fall asleep for a few hours...then I am wide awake.
I am adjusting to the new awake me...it seems that when I get my walking in (1-2 miles) over the course of the day, I am more alert. But when I get tired, I crash and that might be as early as 8 pm.
Weaning off the Paxil has been an eye-opening experience. I am much more aware of trying to watch my moods and working on the funky ones immediately. There is no quick fix for behavior modification...it is practise and more practise. I do not want to rely on a pill to make me behave differently.
If I can't handle the next weaning stage, I will ask the doctor for more help with the drug he has talked about. I will not play the martyr for the rest of my life. I want to be reasonable happy!
Thursday, November 15, 2012
November 15
Finding out more about my headaches and the ongoing sinus infection, I am happy to report that my paroxetine routine is going well. I am still at 10mg and the neurologists has promised a different drug to replace the paroxetine if I still need it in March. The EEG and Cervical Spine CT will show the brain activity that might be causing the headaches. Thank God I found this man and he is taking such a serious interest in the headaches. He assures me that there are better medication for anxiety/depression than paroxetine...ones that do not cause the unfavorable brain activity that paroxtine causes.
I feel better just knowing that with the headaches under review, the 10mg of paroxetine is serving me well currently.
Other inconveniences include learning to use a netti pot and quieting a headache with a heating pad.
I feel better just knowing that with the headaches under review, the 10mg of paroxetine is serving me well currently.
Other inconveniences include learning to use a netti pot and quieting a headache with a heating pad.
Monday, November 5, 2012
November 5, 2012
A month has gone by and I have not lost my mind or had any weird withdrawal symptoms that we all read about on the Information Highway...just proves, you can believe everything you read because we are all different.
I am still taking 10mg of paroxetine and will try to maintain this for another month. Maybe in December I will begin taking 10 mg every other day and I will first ask the doctor or check in for advice from mayoclinic.org.
Taking the vitamin B is not hurting anything so I figure it was a good mood. B is an essential in mental health care. The Melatonin at bedtime is OK, yet I don't seem to be sleeping in much, not that I ever did. I think because it is so dark in the morning, it is changing my sleeping habits??? I am awake in front of the TV most nights, but I still fall asleep around 8:30 pm if I was up by 5 am.
Anyway, I am happy! I hope my paroxetine days are coming to a close. I will go back to meds if I need them, but not paroxetine.www.mayoclinic.org
I am still taking 10mg of paroxetine and will try to maintain this for another month. Maybe in December I will begin taking 10 mg every other day and I will first ask the doctor or check in for advice from mayoclinic.org.
Taking the vitamin B is not hurting anything so I figure it was a good mood. B is an essential in mental health care. The Melatonin at bedtime is OK, yet I don't seem to be sleeping in much, not that I ever did. I think because it is so dark in the morning, it is changing my sleeping habits??? I am awake in front of the TV most nights, but I still fall asleep around 8:30 pm if I was up by 5 am.
Anyway, I am happy! I hope my paroxetine days are coming to a close. I will go back to meds if I need them, but not paroxetine.www.mayoclinic.org
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
October 31, 2012
I am feeling great. I didn't sleep as well last night; however I fell to sleep around 8:30 and at 1 am my brain said I think that's enough. Falling back to sleep by 2 or so I did wake up feeling great.
We are coming up on a month of 10 mg of paroxetine down from 12 years of 20 mg. I am continuing at least for one more month before I do any more reduction in my dose. The sweaty episodes are fading and no nausea at all.
I hope this inspires those who have heard the horror stories...listen to your doctor if he really understands the way you feel. If my behavior changes for the worse, I would ask for a different RX.
I am feeling great. I didn't sleep as well last night; however I fell to sleep around 8:30 and at 1 am my brain said I think that's enough. Falling back to sleep by 2 or so I did wake up feeling great.
We are coming up on a month of 10 mg of paroxetine down from 12 years of 20 mg. I am continuing at least for one more month before I do any more reduction in my dose. The sweaty episodes are fading and no nausea at all.
I hope this inspires those who have heard the horror stories...listen to your doctor if he really understands the way you feel. If my behavior changes for the worse, I would ask for a different RX.
 |
| Add caption |
Monday, October 29, 2012
October 29, 2012
The weekend was a good test of my ability to cope on the 10mg of paroxetine. The paroxetine was prescribed to deal with my depression and anxiety and I was sick of taking a pill to make me nicer. Why couldn't I learn to cope with situations with tolerance and love?
I was around family this weekend and I learned that people are not putting me at the top of their priority lists. Everyone, including me, has days of tiredness, pain and sadness. People don't have to cater to me and I need to learn to grow a little thicker skin sometimes.
I am trying to not grow old in my thinking and when I listen to some older people I want to scream. Negativity bores me and makes me crazy. Too bad for me, right? Whatever anyone else feels, says or does is not a problem for me to solve for them. The only problem is me...sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong.
Happiness is something I need to find on a daily basis. It doesn't have anything to do with the world, it has to do with my attitude.
I feel that I am weaning off the paroxetine in a good way. I am still a little sweaty...my blood pressure is a little higher than normal; however I am feeling good.
The weekend was a good test of my ability to cope on the 10mg of paroxetine. The paroxetine was prescribed to deal with my depression and anxiety and I was sick of taking a pill to make me nicer. Why couldn't I learn to cope with situations with tolerance and love?
I was around family this weekend and I learned that people are not putting me at the top of their priority lists. Everyone, including me, has days of tiredness, pain and sadness. People don't have to cater to me and I need to learn to grow a little thicker skin sometimes.
I am trying to not grow old in my thinking and when I listen to some older people I want to scream. Negativity bores me and makes me crazy. Too bad for me, right? Whatever anyone else feels, says or does is not a problem for me to solve for them. The only problem is me...sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong.
Happiness is something I need to find on a daily basis. It doesn't have anything to do with the world, it has to do with my attitude.
I feel that I am weaning off the paroxetine in a good way. I am still a little sweaty...my blood pressure is a little higher than normal; however I am feeling good.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)